you put your best foot forward and let’s be honest, putting your best foot forward means that you have to lose a little bit of weight, considering you are your canvas.” This is what my best friend said to me when I called her after hours of not being able to console myself after getting cut at another non-equity tour. I told her girls of different body sizes were kept, but I don’t think this was the point. So I listened. Actually, I cried some more and listened as she spoke to me as if angels were speaking through her. It was everything I needed to hear and more (though I’m still down and hiding in my bed three days later). She spent her Friday night consoling me and trying to help me change my perception of myself, which is invisible and not good enough. It was after midnight when she told me she was hopping off to take a shower, but she didn’t leave without giving me instructions, which was to watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. I was miserable, and wasn’t going anywhere so I did.
Today is day 3 and it is hard for me emotionally. I haven’t let go of being cut from Hair so I have been laying in bed hiding from the world. Hiding from my failure… yeah I know it’s the nature of the business but this is just one of those auditions that have rocked me in a way I haven’t been rocked (and not in a sexy way) in a long time. I’m sure this will pass but right now I don’t want to move. But I digress…. today is day 3 and I’ve lost a total of five pounds. Five pounds of extra water, toxins and other terrible crap. I have no desire to eat meat after watching another movie referred by Leeanna which is Food Inc. I just need to work on loving myself for all it’s worth.